BEYOND THE LIMITS
A welcome break yesterday: driving in the countryside conducting enquiries beyond the city limits, amongst the farmers. I must have spent half an hour longer than I needed to at each location, drinking coffee with the morning sunshine flooding into the kitchen. No televisions had to be turned off, the houses were pleasantly warm and not uncomfortably so, I was greeted by men who were not wearing tracksuits and women without tattoos. I had taken a risk in not telephoning ahead, but in the end it made no difference: only one person had to be summoned back to the farmhouse by his wife, all the others were taking advantage of the recent wet weather by tending to their gardens which had been neglected during the harvest.Most were anxious not to detain me, fondly imagining that I had better things to do, but almost all reported similar experiences of having small but valuable items of equipment stolen by gypsies. Unfortunately for them, a lack of fashionable racist or domestic crime means that I’ll probably not get back to these people any time within the next few years. Perhaps not though, Derbyshire Police have been working on a project to reduce prejudice against gypsies, it’s called “Moving Forward” although calling it “Move Somewhere Else” would have been more appropriate.Other issues discussed included fox hunting, which I was quizzed about at some length, and firearms laws, the intricacies of which they knew more about than me. Vast tracts of rural Canada are not policed, so having a policeman in the house was a novel experience for all of the people I met, the only other times they had seen a police officer was during the hunt or when they had their guns inspected.I’m not sure whether farmers are the last hope of this country, in the same way that Winston Smith regarded the proletariat as the only thing that could stop Big Brother, or whether farmers are the last inhabitants of a country which has already disappeared. Anxious not to go back to Newtown’s adult crybabies too soon, I took my lunch indoors at a country pub.Upon my return to the Church Road Estate I was at last able to continue with the proper tasks of the modern police officer and took a long statement from a fourteen year old girl about nuisance text messages she was receiving on her mobile phone from an ex-boyfriend. Ex! At fourteen! I’m getting too old for this.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
BEYOND THE LIMITS
A welcome break yesterday: driving in the countryside conducting enquiries beyond the city limits, amongst the farmers. I must have spent half an hour longer than I needed to at each location, drinking coffee with the morning sunshine flooding into the kitchen. No televisions had to be turned off, the houses were pleasantly warm and not uncomfortably so, I was greeted by men who were not wearing tracksuits and women without tattoos. I had taken a risk in not telephoning ahead, but in the end it made no difference: only one person had to be summoned back to the farmhouse by his wife, all the others were taking advantage of the recent wet weather by tending to their gardens which had been neglected during the harvest.Most were anxious not to detain me, fondly imagining that I had better things to do, but almost all reported similar experiences of having small but valuable items of equipment stolen by gypsies. Unfortunately for them, a lack of fashionable racist or domestic crime means that I’ll probably not get back to these people any time within the next few years. Perhaps not though, Derbyshire Police have been working on a project to reduce prejudice against gypsies, it’s called “Moving Forward” although calling it “Move Somewhere Else” would have been more appropriate.Other issues discussed included fox hunting, which I was quizzed about at some length, and firearms laws, the intricacies of which they knew more about than me. Vast tracts of rural Canada are not policed, so having a policeman in the house was a novel experience for all of the people I met, the only other times they had seen a police officer was during the hunt or when they had their guns inspected.I’m not sure whether farmers are the last hope of this country, in the same way that Winston Smith regarded the proletariat as the only thing that could stop Big Brother, or whether farmers are the last inhabitants of a country which has already disappeared. Anxious not to go back to Newtown’s adult crybabies too soon, I took my lunch indoors at a country pub.Upon my return to the Church Road Estate I was at last able to continue with the proper tasks of the modern police officer and took a long statement from a fourteen year old girl about nuisance text messages she was receiving on her mobile phone from an ex-boyfriend. Ex! At fourteen! I’m getting too old for this.
A welcome break yesterday: driving in the countryside conducting enquiries beyond the city limits, amongst the farmers. I must have spent half an hour longer than I needed to at each location, drinking coffee with the morning sunshine flooding into the kitchen. No televisions had to be turned off, the houses were pleasantly warm and not uncomfortably so, I was greeted by men who were not wearing tracksuits and women without tattoos. I had taken a risk in not telephoning ahead, but in the end it made no difference: only one person had to be summoned back to the farmhouse by his wife, all the others were taking advantage of the recent wet weather by tending to their gardens which had been neglected during the harvest.Most were anxious not to detain me, fondly imagining that I had better things to do, but almost all reported similar experiences of having small but valuable items of equipment stolen by gypsies. Unfortunately for them, a lack of fashionable racist or domestic crime means that I’ll probably not get back to these people any time within the next few years. Perhaps not though, Derbyshire Police have been working on a project to reduce prejudice against gypsies, it’s called “Moving Forward” although calling it “Move Somewhere Else” would have been more appropriate.Other issues discussed included fox hunting, which I was quizzed about at some length, and firearms laws, the intricacies of which they knew more about than me. Vast tracts of rural Canada are not policed, so having a policeman in the house was a novel experience for all of the people I met, the only other times they had seen a police officer was during the hunt or when they had their guns inspected.I’m not sure whether farmers are the last hope of this country, in the same way that Winston Smith regarded the proletariat as the only thing that could stop Big Brother, or whether farmers are the last inhabitants of a country which has already disappeared. Anxious not to go back to Newtown’s adult crybabies too soon, I took my lunch indoors at a country pub.Upon my return to the Church Road Estate I was at last able to continue with the proper tasks of the modern police officer and took a long statement from a fourteen year old girl about nuisance text messages she was receiving on her mobile phone from an ex-boyfriend. Ex! At fourteen! I’m getting too old for this.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Advice to all
STAYING OUT OF TROUBLE
The irony of me writing something about how to stay out of trouble probably hasn’t escaped you. Nevertheless, I have remained, through good fortune and the application of a few simple rules, a faceless number in the ranks of Newtown police. Unknown not just to the public, but more importantly to the people in charge. “But PC Copperfield”, I hear you cry, “How have you managed this? With the IPCC one side, politically motivated and ambitious chiefs on the other and a demanding public on the other err…ceiling or floor…to continue the metaphor, surely you must have fallen foul of someone at some point during your mediocre career.”Well, I certainly have “dropped the ball” on a few occasions, but by keeping to the rules below, I’ve managed to avoid serious disaster.1. Be Polite: Call Inspectors and above, Sir. Call female Inspectors, Inspector. Anyone aged 21 and above who pays their taxes and is sober at the time I speak to them gets called Mr. You don’t have to mean it, but a bit of old world courtesy goes a long way especially when “Mate” is a New-Labour word for “Comrade.” Even if you know nothing about the law, by acting like Dixon of Dock Green you’ll soon have even the most irate chairman of the local Neighbourhood Watch eating out of your hand.2. 80% of police work is paperwork and personal organisation, 15% is keeping your mouth shut while people talk at you and 5% is knowledge of the law. With this in mind, focus on the paper. If I brought in Newtown’s biggest burglar it would be forgotten within the week, but if I attend a minor domestic without completing the relevant form, my negligence will be recorded forever.3. Learn to differentiate between Petty Crime and Trivial Crime. Petty crime is important: bag snatches, assaults where someone actually gets injured, car crime and shed breaks all need attention, so do a proper job and follow up all the leads. Get a cup of tea for the victim or drive them home, telephone the banks and cancel the cards- this is why you joined the police. Trivial Crime is crap with a crime number: receiving a single telephone call from an ex-boyfriend who lives at the other end of the country, two eleven year old brothers fighting, involving the police in your divorce, getting drunk and fighting with your friends: dispose of this as quickly and ethically as possible.4. Grit your teeth and make the arrest. Even if there’s no evidence, even if it’ll never go within a hundred yards of Magistrates court and even if it will mean more work in the short term, it pays to lock someone up. Once you have someone in custody, you won’t be sent anywhere else and you’ll have the rest of the shift to sort something out. If you don’t make the arrest and you get called back later in the night it’ll be ten times worse. For example: I once went to a neighbour dispute with no possible solution in sight. Words had been exchanged and threats made. So I went to each house in turn and asked them which person they would like me to arrest from next-door and why. I simply arrested one person from each house and spent the rest of the shift obtaining statements. Result: no criminal charges, and a complete waste of a shift, BUT: No further problems that night and I didn’t get sent anywhere else.5. Don’t encourage people to “press charges”. Do you remember the episode of Dad’s Army when Private Pike took the Mr. Hodges’ daughter out in Captain Mainwaring’s staff car? The car broke down and Private Pike was accused of all sorts. However, in a sign of the times and to his credit, Mr. Hodges said, “I’m not having my daughter dragged through courts.” Well, times have changed and “pressing charges” is when poor people do when there’s nothing on the telly. Occasionally an offender needs jailing, there’s the evidence to do it and the victim needs a little support and encouragement; but more often than not everyone needs to calm down, and wait until the next episode of Eastenders.
The irony of me writing something about how to stay out of trouble probably hasn’t escaped you. Nevertheless, I have remained, through good fortune and the application of a few simple rules, a faceless number in the ranks of Newtown police. Unknown not just to the public, but more importantly to the people in charge. “But PC Copperfield”, I hear you cry, “How have you managed this? With the IPCC one side, politically motivated and ambitious chiefs on the other and a demanding public on the other err…ceiling or floor…to continue the metaphor, surely you must have fallen foul of someone at some point during your mediocre career.”Well, I certainly have “dropped the ball” on a few occasions, but by keeping to the rules below, I’ve managed to avoid serious disaster.1. Be Polite: Call Inspectors and above, Sir. Call female Inspectors, Inspector. Anyone aged 21 and above who pays their taxes and is sober at the time I speak to them gets called Mr. You don’t have to mean it, but a bit of old world courtesy goes a long way especially when “Mate” is a New-Labour word for “Comrade.” Even if you know nothing about the law, by acting like Dixon of Dock Green you’ll soon have even the most irate chairman of the local Neighbourhood Watch eating out of your hand.2. 80% of police work is paperwork and personal organisation, 15% is keeping your mouth shut while people talk at you and 5% is knowledge of the law. With this in mind, focus on the paper. If I brought in Newtown’s biggest burglar it would be forgotten within the week, but if I attend a minor domestic without completing the relevant form, my negligence will be recorded forever.3. Learn to differentiate between Petty Crime and Trivial Crime. Petty crime is important: bag snatches, assaults where someone actually gets injured, car crime and shed breaks all need attention, so do a proper job and follow up all the leads. Get a cup of tea for the victim or drive them home, telephone the banks and cancel the cards- this is why you joined the police. Trivial Crime is crap with a crime number: receiving a single telephone call from an ex-boyfriend who lives at the other end of the country, two eleven year old brothers fighting, involving the police in your divorce, getting drunk and fighting with your friends: dispose of this as quickly and ethically as possible.4. Grit your teeth and make the arrest. Even if there’s no evidence, even if it’ll never go within a hundred yards of Magistrates court and even if it will mean more work in the short term, it pays to lock someone up. Once you have someone in custody, you won’t be sent anywhere else and you’ll have the rest of the shift to sort something out. If you don’t make the arrest and you get called back later in the night it’ll be ten times worse. For example: I once went to a neighbour dispute with no possible solution in sight. Words had been exchanged and threats made. So I went to each house in turn and asked them which person they would like me to arrest from next-door and why. I simply arrested one person from each house and spent the rest of the shift obtaining statements. Result: no criminal charges, and a complete waste of a shift, BUT: No further problems that night and I didn’t get sent anywhere else.5. Don’t encourage people to “press charges”. Do you remember the episode of Dad’s Army when Private Pike took the Mr. Hodges’ daughter out in Captain Mainwaring’s staff car? The car broke down and Private Pike was accused of all sorts. However, in a sign of the times and to his credit, Mr. Hodges said, “I’m not having my daughter dragged through courts.” Well, times have changed and “pressing charges” is when poor people do when there’s nothing on the telly. Occasionally an offender needs jailing, there’s the evidence to do it and the victim needs a little support and encouragement; but more often than not everyone needs to calm down, and wait until the next episode of Eastenders.
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